


The Coffee Shop

by motorbike_on_the_avenue



Series: 30 days cheesy tropes challenge [30]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: 30 Day Cheesy Tropes Challenge, Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - Human
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-17
Updated: 2017-06-26
Packaged: 2018-11-01 23:04:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 14,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10931874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/motorbike_on_the_avenue/pseuds/motorbike_on_the_avenue
Summary: Snapshots from Castiel Shurley and Dean Winchester's life - from their first meeting (age 9) to their first kiss (age 23) and some other stuff in between, all against the background of The Coffee Shop.___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________9 Years OldCas is sitting at a table in The Coffee Shop, the business his parents Becky and Chuck Shurley own. It’s the one he likes best, the one right in the back, in the left-hand corner. It lets you see who’s coming through the front door, but they can’t see you. It means Cas can slink down off the chair if he sees the bullies from his school coming in, or behind the counter to greet them if it’s someone he likes.He’s only been there for about half an hour when they come in. The Winchesters. They’re the new family in town, and everyone’s been talking about them. The pretty blonde mother with a boy the same age as Cas, and a 5-year-old. The father who followed them a week later.Now with a second chapter from Dean's POV.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> It's my last 30 days cheesy tropes challenge!  
> Thank you everyone who has read, left kudos or commented, especially those who have read the majority of them and keep appearing - it honestly means the world to me that you keep coming back.  
> I am going to miss this challenge and posting daily, but I may have been tempted to extend some of them, and I have a couple of other ideas for longer fics, so hopefully I won't be away for long. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy my coffee shop AU. 
> 
> Warning: mentions of someone having a nervous breakdown, and dealing with anxiety.

**9 Years Old**

Cas is sitting at a table in _The Coffee Shop,_ the business his parents Becky and Chuck Shurley own. It’s the one he likes best, the one right in the back, in the left-hand corner. It lets you see who’s coming through the front door, but they can’t see you. It means Cas can slink down off the chair if he sees the bullies from his school coming in, or behind the counter to greet them if it’s someone he likes.

He’s only been there for about half an hour when they come in. The Winchesters. They’re the new family in town, and everyone’s been talking about them. The pretty blonde mother with a boy the same age as Cas, and a 5-year-old. The father who followed them a week later. Cas has heard his parents talking about it; according to them, Mary, the mother, refused to let the father in. They said he’d been drinking.

Cas understands what that means. His dad sometimes drinks too much, and they have to creep around the apartment, so as not to wake him.

Not that Chuck minds if they do. He’s a bit grouchy, swatting at them if they’re making too much noise while he goes and sleeps his hangover off, but Cas gets the impression that John Winchester has a different reaction to alcohol than his dad does.  

Mary and her sons walk towards the counter.

Cas decides to go talk to them. The boy is his age, Cas has heard his parents say. He slips from his chair, and walks along the back wall, towards the counter. He used to be able to slip under the framed photos adoring the wall, but he’s had a growth spurt in the last six months, which makes it impossible for him to do now. The photos are all of guys his mother has had a crush on. Whenever she finds another person to obsess over, their photo joins the wall.

The first photo is of Chuck. There are film stars, and pop stars, models and even one of a historical figure, who was accused of being a witch up there.

Becky calls it her hall of fame, and sometimes, when the place is quiet, she just gazes up at all the people who’ve held her mind over the years.

Becky’s behind the counter now, serving a couple before the Winchesters. Cas isn’t really supposed to be behind the counter when they’re open, but they’ve only got a few customers sitting at tables right now. He makes sure to stay down the end, away from the big gleaming machines which he is NOT ALLOWED TO TOUCH.

Becky flicks him playfully with a tea towel as she passes.

‘What are you doing, little man? Did you finish your drink?’ she asks. He’d been drinking a hot chocolate with a shot of flavoured syrup in it, even though it was really too warm for such a hot drink.

‘No,’ Cas says. He looks towards the little boy who’s playing with sugar packets. His mother follows his gaze, and he suddenly wishes he’d stayed sitting. She’s got this manic light in her eyes, that she only ever gets when she’s got A PLAN. Usually it involves stalking – no, wait, Cas isn’t allowed to say that word any more, Gabe got into such a lot of trouble for teaching it to him – tracking down her latest obsession and getting them to sign a photo for her.

All of her kids have been dragged on at least five of these trips. They all know the light, and they try not to turn it on.

‘Did you want to speak to him?’ she asks. She’s bending down so she’s his height, and speaking quietly, but Cas still feels his cheeks flush.

‘He probably won’t even be here when school starts,’ he protests. The town they live in is a holiday town – the tourists flock here for summer. There’s a few beaches within five miles of them, and lots of pretty hotels and B&B’s dotted around the place.

‘Well, he’ll be someone for you to hang out with this summer. Won’t that be fun?’ Becky says. Cas looks at the boy again. He doesn’t seem like he wants to hang out with anyone, let alone some scrawny boy who everyone picks on. He’s scowling at the sugar packet that he’s ripping up, while his brother looks at all the backs of the pre-packaged drinks in the fridge counter at the front.  

Their mother looks tired. She’s rubbing her temples, and her hair is drawn up in a ponytail. Cas’s mother always has her hair down.

‘No one wants to hang out at a coffee shop,’ Cas mumbles. If his mother hears him, she ignores him.

‘We’ll have you guys’ friends in no time,’ she says standing up, and taking the other customers order over to them. They’ve got Ishim working on the machines today.

Cas doesn’t like him. Ishim always looks down his nose at the Shurley family, like they don’t meet his approval. He thinks working in a coffee shop is beneath him, and Cas can’t wait till the day he goes off to study.

‘Hi! Welcome to _The Coffee Shop._ What can I get for you today?’ Becky says, back behind the counter.

‘Coffee. Black,’ the boy’s mother says. ‘Boys? Have you decided what you want?’

The older boy shrugs. ‘I don’t want anything, Ma,’ he says.

‘Dean, please. You have to put something in your system. Look. They’ve got yummy sandwiches. Or muffins? You like muffins.’ She’s pointing at the cakes behind the counter. ‘Come on, Dean. You haven’t eaten in two days.’

Dean. The boy is called Dean.

Cas walks through the swing door into the kitchen. He doesn’t want to witness the boy and his mother getting into an argument. He hates shouting.

The pastry chef Benny is just pulling a beautiful creation out of the oven when Cas enters. 

‘Whoa, watch yourself there, little man,’ he says. Cas hates that everyone calls him little man. Just because he’s smaller than his brothers, doesn’t mean he’s little; he’s going to grow at some point. At least that’s what Becky says. ‘You want some pie?’ Cas nods. He’s not usually one for sweet foods, but Benny’s apple pie is one of the best things he’s ever eaten.

Benny cuts him a generous slice, and Cas takes the plate and fork he’s handed carefully. When Ishim comes through the swing door a second later, Cas listens very hard for any shouting. He can’t hear anything so he wanders back outside, pie balanced on the plate.

Dean’s mother is still trying to persuade him to eat something. The younger boy is gripping a salad bowl in his hands, and a bottle of water.

‘Dean, if you eat something now we’ll go out for burgers later. You like burgers.’ The woman sounds like she’s about to cry.

‘I…,’ Dean’s gaze slides to Cas. Cas feels like an electric shock goes through him as green eyes meet his blue ones.

Then Dean’s gaze slide down to the plate in Cas’s hands. ‘Pie,’ Dean says.

‘You like pie, honey?’ Becky asks. The boy nods. ‘Well, I think you’re in luck. It looks like the chef has just made one. I hope you like apple.’ Dean nods his head again.

Cas looks down at the pie in his hands, and then walks up to the other side of the counter. He slides the plate over to Dean.

‘You can have this slice,’ Cas says. It’s a little bigger than they’d usually serve the customers, but Becky is smiling behind him, so he guesses she doesn’t mind. ‘I promise I haven’t touched it.’ Dean looks a little uncertain.

‘Is it good?’ Dean asks.

‘Well, even bad pie is still pie,’ Cas says. Then he smiles a little. ‘But this is the best pie I’ve ever eaten in my life, and I’m nine.’

‘Me too,’ says Dean. He pulls the plate towards him, then looks back at his mother. ‘Can I eat the pie?’

‘Yes, Dean, you can eat the pie.’ Dean picks up the plate, carefully, like it’s the most precious thing in the world. He carries it over to a table, then sits on the chair.

‘Thank you for that,’ Dean’s mother says. ‘It’s a bit of a difficult time right now.’ Becky is smiling at her, as she rings up their order. Cas notices she leaves the pie off the bill.  

‘No troubles. We try to make sure every customer is happy when they leave _The Coffee Shop.’_ The two mother’s chat for a bit longer. ‘You know if you were serious about the burgers there’s this great little place on the front of one of the beaches around here. It’s about a twenty-minute walk, but worth it,’ Becky says. ‘My kids love it.’

‘Thanks for the tip. I might try that. I’m Mary by the way. We’ve just moved in to number 28, Fyrerow Road.’

‘Oh, that little cottage with the white picket fence? That’s a wonderful place.’

‘I guess,’ Mary says. ‘It’s a bit different from where we were living. I suppose it just takes some adjustment.’ She hands the salad and water to her son, but stays at the counter sipping her coffee.

‘Hey. Everyone goes through tough times, and everyone needs people to lean on. I don’t know if you know anyone else yet, but you should consider this place a friendly space. Whatever you need – just ask,’ Becky says. She makes the same speech to every customer who looks a little upset when ordering their coffee, but she really means it. Cas knows his mother will try and do anything she’s asked.

‘Thank you. I might have to take you up on that,’ Mary says. She stops talking when Dean comes back up to the counter. There’s an empty plate in his hands.

‘You were right,’ he tells Cas. ‘That was the best pie I’ve ever eaten.’

Cas feels that electric shock again.

 

**12 years old**

Cas is sitting at the table at the back of _The Coffee Shop._ Rain spatters down the window behind him, and if Cas was given to over dramatic statements, he’d say the weather matches his mood.

But statements like that are more suited to his older brother Gabriel, so Cas just sits with a book propped open on the table, carefully shielding the small cup of coffee he’s got in front of him from his mother’s view. He’s still not allowed to drink it, but he’s been sneaking a small cup every couple of months or so.

He lives above a coffee shop – was he just never supposed to try it? He’s tried every single flavour they have, taking sips from his family’s cups when they haven’t been looking.

His mother’s busy today – a lot of customers are coming to get their coffee, but not a lot of them are staying, hurrying back out in the bad weather, pulling coats over their head or shaking still wet umbrellas open.

‘Bro, you look like someone’s just kicked your puppy,’ Gabriel says. He appears from nowhere, and Cas scowls as he jumps. Gabe laughs, pulling up a chair at the side of the table. ‘I don’t have a puppy,’ Cas says.

‘Yeah, I know. What’s up then?’ Cas learned pretty early in his life not to trust any of his older brothers. He can count on one hand the number of times he’s met his older brother Luke – he’d already moved out (or been thrown out depending on who’s story you believe) when Castiel was born, and he rarely comes here anymore, staying at his new home in a town sixty miles away. There’s Michael, then Balthazar, then Gabe, and finally Gadreel and Castiel (Becky had really been on the angel thing. Cas thinks she did it in the hope they wouldn’t turn out like her eldest, who Chuck frequently refers to as ‘the devil himself.’)

‘Nothing is wrong,’ Cas says.

‘Okay, if you don’t want to tell me,’ Gabe says. He’s leaning back in his chair, messing around with a deck of cards, shuffling them. ‘Where’s your little friend? Dean, isn’t it? Thought you two were joined at the hip.’

‘He had plans today,’ Cas says. He grips his book, and forces himself to take in the sentence he’s been trying to read for half an hour.

‘Aw, has he realised he could do better?’ Gabe says. ‘I’m kidding, little man. You’re not too bad.’

‘Thanks,’ Cas says, still scowling. ‘What are you doing here? Don’t you have better things to do?’ Gabe, at 16, is allowed to go off around the town on his own. He’s not short of friends either. He doesn’t have to stay in _The Coffee Shop_ all day because his only friend had things to do today.

‘I’m going in a minute,’ Gabe says. They sit in silence for a few minutes, Cas trying desperately to keep his mind off Dean, but failing. He wonders how he’s doing.

‘Well, as fun as this has been, I’ve got a hot date,’ Gabe says. He stands up, then reaches down and steals Cas’s coffee, downing the now lukewarm liquid. ‘Naughty Cas, you know you’re not allowed that stuff.’ Gabe leaves, and Cas almost causes a crease in his book from where he’s gripping the pages.

He’s still in the same position, hunched over and scowling, when someone drops into Gabe’s seat, nudging him under the table with their knee.

‘Wow, and I thought I was having a bad day,’ Dean says. Cas’s bad mood instantly evaporates as he stares at his best friend.

‘What are you doing here?’ Cas asks. Dean had plans today – important plans.

‘Ma told me to leave the house. She said if I wasn’t even going to try and be civil I could go and clear my head and come back when I could be.’

‘It’s not going well then?’ Dean snorts.

‘No, man, it’s not going well at all. Adam’s irritating.’

‘Adam’s two,’ Cas says. ‘You can’t blame him.’

‘Oh, I can. I can blame him for splitting my parents up and having to leave behind my home.’ Cas refrains from pointing out that Adam had nothing to do with Dean’s parents. That it was John who cheated on Mary, which then led to Adam. From what Dean’s told him, it was Adam’s mother who came around to the house to break the news to Mary about her being pregnant with John’s child.   

Which prompted Mary taking both her boys in the middle of the night, two months later, and ending up here – the first house she found that she could move into straight away and pay for with cash.

This is the first-time John’s two families are meeting each other.

Cas also refrains from asking Dean if it’s all such a bad thing. Dean thinks it’s the worst thing in the world to happen to him, and Cas understands that it is. But it bought him Dean, and Cas can’t feel sad about that.

 

**15 years old**

Cas isn’t sure when it happens. He knows the exact time and date when he realises it’s happened, but he doesn’t remember it actually happening.

Him and Dean are in _The Coffee Shop_ sitting at Cas’s usual table at the back. Dean’s just broken up with his second ever girlfriend, and he’s moodily spinning a coin on the table. Cas is reading the last book on the reading list before they go into high school – the next day.

‘You two alright over here?’ Becky asks. She’s wiping down tables, supposedly, but actually hovering around to make sure Gabe doesn’t mess up his first shift. ‘Can I get Gabe to make you anything?’ Cas is allowed one cup of coffee a day.

‘No thanks, Becky, I’m good,’ Dean says. ‘Or at least I would be if Cas would put the book down and talk to me.’

‘Hmm?’ Cas says.

‘This is our last day of freedom, man. High school is either the best days of your life, or it sucks. I’ve never heard someone say it was just okay. Shouldn’t we be doing something fun? Not sitting here all day reading.’ Dean flicks Cas’s book.

‘Just one more chapter, and I’ll be done,’ Cas says. ‘Then we can go and do whatever you want.’

‘Well there you go then,’ Becky says. ‘Do you want anything for the road? I’ll go pack up something for you. Some pie, maybe?’ She raises an eyebrow at Dean.

‘You know me too well, Becky,’ Dean says. She smiles at him, ruffling his hair, but is distracted when there’s a large hiss from a machine, and Gabe’s muffled shouts of ‘it’s okay, I’m fine,’ send her running back to the counter.

‘What inspired your mother to let Gabe work here?’ Dean asks.

‘It’s a ritual of passage for the Shurley family. We all have to work here for at least a year. Mainly, I think it’s for the free labour, but Dad likes to pretend it’s to make us learn some responsibility and install us with a good work ethic.’

‘Oh yeah? How’s that working out for them?’

‘Luke quit after four months, Michael was the best worker they ever had, Balthazar skimmed money off the top and stole the tip jar, and Gabe,’ Cas glances up from his book, ‘Gabe seems to be doing okay, apart from that thing a second ago, but then he has only been working here for two hours and seven minutes.’

Dean laughs. ‘Incoming,’ he says, nudging Cas’s leg under the table. Cas ignores the warm feeling that spreads through him in that one touch, just like he always has.

Cas glances up again, and then feels a twist in his gut as he spots the head of Robin Cus coming through the door. She walks up to the counter.

‘You know, I think I would like that drink after all,’ Dean says, leaving the table.

The spurt of anger Cas feels towards Robin is new. She’s perfectly nice, and Cas feels incredible guilty that he feels any anger towards her at all.     

He goes back to his book, but Dean is laughing, and then Robin is laughing, and Cas swallows, and Cas slams the book on the table, and downs his coffee, because he can’t do anything else.

He doesn’t know where this is coming from. Why it’s suddenly turning up today of all days. Dean comes back to the table a few minutes later, giant cup of coffee in his hand.

‘So, Robin was talking about some party that her neighbour is throwing.’

‘Are we going?’ Cas asks. He’s used to Dean finding all the cool things they do, while he just goes along with it.

‘Nah. We’ve got plans. Whole afternoon down at the beach, remember? Doing nothing, thinking about nothing.’

‘What about Robin?’ Cas asks. He knows Dean likes her, and he’s never been shy about flirting with girl’s before. It doesn’t surprise him that Dean’s already moved onto someone else.

‘She’s going to the same high school as us man. I’ll see her there. Are you done?’ Dean asks, tapping the cover of the book.

Cas doesn’t remember a single word from the last chapter, but he nods, pushing his chair back and standing up.

Once they get outside, squinting in the weak sunshine – and Cas wonders if spending the rest of the day at the beach is that good an idea when it might turn bitter and cold at any moment – Dean hands him the giant cup of coffee.

‘Here. I got this for you,’ Dean tells him. ‘Your mother was distracted cleaning up Gabe’s mess she didn’t notice when I ordered a black coffee.’

Cas takes the cup of coffee, and his fingers brush Dean’s and when he looks up and sees a smiling green eyed boy looking at him, all Cas can think is _Shit, I’m in love._

_When did that happen?_

**18 years old**

‘Cas, wait,’ Dean says. He grabs a hold of Cas’s arm. Cas stares at him, fire in blue eyes, and Dean removes his hand. ‘Look, I’m sorry, alright?’

‘Are you?’

‘Yes, of course I am.’ Dean runs a hand through his hair, making it artfully messed up, but Cas’s rage has got too much of a hold on him to feel the squirm in his stomach he usually feels at that.

‘If you were sorry Dean, you wouldn’t have done it in the first place. This wasn’t just something you did in a second. This was something you thought out and planned. What did you do, get Gabe’s number from my phone?’ Dean stays silent. ‘I’ll take that as a yes then. Well, it’s nice to know our friendship was good for something.’

_The Coffee Shop_ is busy today. Packed. There’s a group of three adults eyeing up the table Cas bolted from as soon as Dean sat down. Becky’s rushed off her feet behind the counter, even though she’s got both Gadreel and Benny helping her out. Cas needs to go help.

‘Cas, don’t you think you’re over reacting a little?’ 

‘No. I really do not.’ He turns and walks away from Dean, slinging an apron from behind the counter on, and asking the customers at the front of the queue what they want.

This is not how he pictured Prom Day.

He had wild fantasies about what tonight could be like, but he squashed them as soon as he thought them.

The realistic ones though; he was still looking forward to them. Hannah, one of his classmates had agreed to go with him; just as friends, though the way Cas caught her looking at him sometimes he wondered if something else might have happened tonight. He wouldn’t have been averse to something happening with Hannah; she was sweet and smart and there had definitely been some interest from his groin that one time he’d seen her in a bikini.

It wasn’t as intense as when he’d seen Dean with his shirt off on a couple of occasions, or that very memorable time Dean had come out of the shower with a towel on, but it wasn’t nothing.

Dean was going with Lisa. Cas liked Lisa. She was flirty, and calm and a steady presence and Cas knew she’d be perfect for Dean. Cas knew he wasn’t, so Dean might as well be with someone who made him happy. And he was happy.

He’d come to Cas about a week ago with this plan for an after-prom party. He said that _The Coffee Shop_ would be a perfect place to have it, and that it was meant to be because Mary and Becky had tickets for some play in the nearest big town, and would be staying in a hotel for the night.

Dean had said ‘it’s perfect timing, Cas, there will literally be no parents here at all,’ and Cas had wanted to hit him. Like Chuck just up and leaving one day was just so this party could happen with no obstacles.

Cas had said no. It wasn’t fair to his mother, and it wasn’t fair to him – Dean would be spending the whole-time drinking, and him and Lisa would disappear off at some point, probably upstairs to Cas’s bedroom.

So, no Cas wasn’t going to let his home, and the only thing his mother had going in her life get trashed from a bunch of people in formal wear.

Dean had called Gabe. He’d called Gabe and asked if Gabe would mind them having the party there. Gabe only lived a few minutes away from them, with his long-term girlfriend Kali.

Gabe had been on board. He’d even promised to get them some booze.

Cas had only found out because Gabe had let it slip when he’d come over last night. Dean hadn’t even bothered to inform Cas that the after-party was actually going ahead.

Cas was mad.

Mad enough that he couldn’t think about anything else, and shit that was the fourth time he’d burnt himself.

‘Are you even coming tonight?’ Dean asks from behind him. He’s come to the side of the counter, leaning against the swing door to the kitchen.

‘I have to work,’ Cas says. He feels bad for Hannah, but he knows her friends are going as a group, and that there’s a guy in their shared English class who has a crush on her. It might work out better for all of them this way.

Except him.

Cas looks at Dean, and he doesn’t see the guy he’s been in love with for years. He sees someone who’s lied to him and who went behind his back to do something which could harm his family.

His view is shattered, and Cas isn’t entirely sure it’s ever going to be fixed.

 

**21 years old**

‘Cas, you’re back. I didn’t know you were coming back.’ Dean is standing behind the counter, wearing the apron that Cas used to put on every day. He looks so at home there, that Cas is struck speechless for a second. Dean used to help out during summers, earning money to take his girlfriends out at night. It shouldn’t be so surprising to find him there.

Becky had told Cas she’d offered Dean a job, last year. Dropped it into conversation and Cas just knew his mother wanted to press the point further, ask again what has happened between them, but she’d restrained herself.

The infamous party had been the disaster Cas has known it would be. The cops had been called almost an hour after it started, to shut them down. Becky had almost lost her business, and if Becky was any other kind of mother, Gabe would have been shunned.

As it was he was still invited around for Sunday lunches, although he missed quite a few of them at the beginning.

‘Yes. Well. It’s Christmas and I couldn’t very well avoid another one.’ He hasn’t been home for the last two. Citing studying as the reason for not coming, although his mother had always flown over a couple of weeks after the actual holiday to hand deliver his presents.

‘It’s good to see you,’ Dean says. They never regained their easy friendship after prom. Cas had been angry and Dean had been guilty.

And then Cas had left for a university a four-hour plane ride away.  

‘You look well,’ Cas says. It’s true. Aging seems to have agreed with Dean – he’s grown out of that little bit of puppy fat he had, and he’s cut his hair into a much shorter style which suits him. ‘Management obviously suits you.’ 

Dean chuckles, and Cas didn’t think it would but his heart leaps because it’s been two years since he heard that sound and it still makes warmth spread through him.

‘Yeah, your mother has been really good to me.’ Dean pauses. ‘I know I don’t deserve it. After what I almost cost her.’ Cas still feels a tight pinch in his gut when the party is mentioned.

‘She always liked you,’ Cas says. ‘Not to mention she needs someone she can trust to run this place. And no one outside the family knows how this place is run better than you.’ A flood of memories of days spent huddling over the back table, or early nights when they’d sneak down and try and make the grossest / nicest concoctions depending on what mood they were in flood Cas’s mind. ‘I see you added the Candy Cane Coffee to the holiday special,’ Cas says. It’s something they invented together – just a coffee with peppermint flavouring, cream drizzled with red syrup on top. Nothing special.

‘Yeah. Let me get you one on the house.’ Dean turns to the coffee machine and it gives Cas space to breathe. He wasn’t prepared for this. To walk into his family home and have Dean behind the counter.

How is he meant to put up with two weeks of this? Of seeing Dean every day. Cas knows all the old feelings are going to come rushing back if he has to spend any amount of time with Dean.

He’s spent a long time dealing with his feelings for Dean; not knowing what they were, having to push them down, ignoring them, not giving them any attention at all.

But he’s not a teenager now. He’s an adult who lives on his own, away from his family. He’s had crushes, and has even once been in love with a guy from his university, although it wasn’t anything like what he felt for Dean.

There’s a muffled cursing from Dean as he drops hot coffee over himself. At eleven o clock in the morning the place isn’t busy, but Dean still looks around checking for little kids. There’s another worker wiping down tables – Garth, according to little coffee cup name badge – and Cas knows there’s a new chef in the kitchen.

‘Let’s take these to a table. Have a proper catch up,’ Dean says. He doesn’t wait for Cas to agree, just walks over and places them at the empty table at the back, nudging Garth with his elbow as he passes, and telling him to man the counter.

For the first time, Cas notices the layout of the place. They’ve changed it. New tables, new chairs. Instead of them being placed a little haphazardly around the floor, there’s two straight lines of round pale blue tables, each of them with a few matching chairs grouped around them.

His mother’s wall is still up there. There are a few more photos of famous people up there, but the first square on the wall shows a slightly dusty patch of wall paper.

Becky took the photo of Chuck down two years after he left.

Dean launches into some story about their mothers and their latest hobby; they’ve joined the local Zumba class. Dean says his mother keeps dancing around the house, like he finds it embarrassing, but Cas knows he doesn’t mind anything that brings a smile to Mary’s face.

Sam is graduating high school soon – he’s already decided he wants to study pre-law, and while Dean tells Cas he’s so happy for him, Cas knows it’s going to be hell for Dean, saying goodbye to his baby brother. Dean’s spent his whole life looking out for Sam, and Cas knows saying goodbye will be one of the worst nights of Dean’s life.

He tells Cas that Adam is doing okay. He went a little off the rails after his mother died – some freak accident – but he seems to be getting back on track now.

As he’s winding up his stories about his family, a guy comes into the shop. He looks around, meets Dean gaze and nods at him.

Dean blushes.

‘Hey, Dean,’ the guy says. He’s giving Cas a funny look. ‘Let me guess. This must be the famous Castiel,’ he says, Cas’s name dripping with a tone that Cas doesn’t like. ‘Dean didn’t mention you’d be in town.’

‘I didn’t know, Nick,’ Dean says. He’s rubbing the back of his neck.

‘I was just coming in to see if we were still on for tonight.’ Nick looks between Dean and Cas, and Cas wonders what he sees. ‘For our date?’

Everything kind of feels like it slows down after those three words. Dean is dating a guy? Obviously.

‘Uh,’ Dean is looking at Cas, and Cas is looking anywhere but at Dean. Cas thinks they can probably hear his heartbeat.

He takes a sip of coffee to distract himself. It tastes the same as the night they invented it.

‘You know what? Never mind. I guess we’re done here,’ Nick says. He leaves the coffee shop.

‘That’s new,’ Cas says like it’s just a new coffee on the menu, not like it’s the biggest freaking shock of his life.

Dean is dating men.

‘Yeah. Nick’s the first guy that I’ve -’ Cas mentally fills in the word _liked_ in his brain ‘ – dated.’

‘I didn’t know you liked men.’ There’s a fine sprinkling of sugar on the table, and Cas runs his finger over it. This table isn’t blue like the others. This is the same table Cas has been sitting at his whole life. His initials are carved into one of the legs.

‘Yeah, Cas, there’s a lot of things you didn’t know about me.’ Cas wants to ask who’s fault that is. He doesn’t though. Both of them were emotionally stunted, hiding thing. Hiding the pain of what their Dad’s did, of how they were feeling.

If Dean didn’t tell him he liked men, it’s nothing to what Cas was hiding from him. It was probably better this way, anyway. Because living in the same town, knowing that Dean liked men, but didn’t like him would have been too much. It was bearable when he thought Dean was straight.

The only reason Cas came out when he did was because he told his mother; Becky insisted on them marching in all the pride parades she could find, stringing rainbow flags along the counter, and trying to set Cas up with every person who gave him an interested look over the counter.

‘I think you’re needed,’ Cas says, nodding at the counter. A small queue has built up. Cas picks up his coat, and his bag, and stands.

Dean looks like he’s regretting he ever said anything.

Cas doesn’t know how to end this. They’re not best friends, not anymore, but it doesn’t feel like they’re ex-best friends either. They’re in this sort of middle road, where they haven’t really spoken for years. ‘I’ll see you around Dean,’ Cas says, and then he’s walking out _The Coffee Shop_ because he can’t be that close to Dean.

 

**22 years old**

‘Is Becky okay?’ Dean asks. Cas has hurried though the doors of _The Coffee Shop,_ clothes askew, hair messed up, bags under his eyes. Even though he was home at Christmas, he’s had to come back just a few months later to take care of his mother.

‘She had a nervous breakdown in the middle of a supermarket,’ Cas snaps. He doesn’t mean to, but seeing his mother like that, it breaks him and he can’t break down now. He doesn’t get to do that.

Luke refused to come home to see her, Michael’s in his first week of a new job and although distressed Cas can’t ask him to take time off already, Gabriel’s wife is having a baby, Balthazar’s who knows where in the world, and Gadreel has literally just started his first year of university. Cas is the only one who can and is willing to drop everything and care for their mother. He’s been back three days now, talking to doctors about what to do, how to handle everything. He’s already told his university that he won’t be coming back this year, but he can’t think about anything else except his mother right now.

‘I know,’ Dean says. ‘Garth, hold the fort okay?’ he says, and then he’s gripping Cas’s hand and pulling him through into the kitchen. ‘Out,’ he says to the chef, who takes one look at Cas, and leaves them alone. ‘How is she?’

Cas just shakes his head. ‘The doctors don’t seem overly concerned about her, which is good. She’s still recovering. Why did he have to do it, Dean? Just come back like that, no word of a warning. Like she wasn’t going through enough already,’ Cas says. If only she’d told him how bad things had gotten, the anxiety she was dealing with on a daily basis.

‘Chuck’s back?’ Dean sounds as though he hadn’t heard that piece of information. Cas thought the town gossips would be all over it by now.

There’d been no sign of his Dad at the supermarket when the emergency services turned up to collect Becky, but she’d been spouting his name, and Cas had got a hold of the CCTV from the supermarket. He’d just approached her, like it was a casual encounter.

‘Back’s a strong word for someone who showed up once and then disappeared. Again,’ Cas says.

‘Are you okay?’ Dean asks gently. His hand is still holding Cas’s, and all Cas wants to do is sag against his shoulders and cry.

He does. He lets himself go, just for a few minutes, because he knows no matter what weird thing they’ve got going on at the moment, that Dean will be there for him and will hold him and tell him everything is going to be okay.

And, right at this moment that’s what he needs.

 

**23 years old**

It’s beautiful. Fairy lights are twinkling from literally every surface. There are cupcakes scattered around tables, and coffee pots set up next to them, so party goers can help themselves when they feel like it.

Dean’s done an amazing job, but that’s not surprising. Of course, he was going to go all out on his little brother’s engagement party.

Dean is now living in the apartment above the coffee shop. Cas helped his mother move out when she was back on her feet, into somewhere smaller, somewhere easier to manage. Dean doesn’t own the coffeeshop outright, but to all intents and purposes he may as well do.

Cas is sleeping on his mother’s sofa, and taking classes at the local university. His classes have been fun, but being back here has told him what he actually wants to do with his life. He doesn’t know if it’s an option.

‘This is weird,’ Dean says, coming outside to stand next to Cas. They’re out the front of _The Coffee Shop_ which is closed for the engagement party, even though most of the town are inside anyway as guests. White balloons float from the door handles behind them.

‘I thought you liked Jess. I know they’re a little young, but they’ve agreed to a long engagement,’ Cas says. Dean hasn’t said anything to him if he doesn’t like Sam’s fiancée. They’re almost back at the stage they were before the party thing – Cas being secretly in love with Dean, but not telling anyone. Dean dating woman – and men now – with alarming speed, but none of them lasting for very long.

Both of them spending time at the table in the back of _The Coffee Shop_ just talking, or reading.

‘I do like Jess. It’s not Jess that’s weird. It’s the whole Sammy getting married thing. I just always assumed I’d be the one who got engaged first.’

‘What, because you’re older?’ Cas asks. As far as he knows, Gabe is the only brother of his who’s married. Luke _could_ be hiding a secret wife and three children from them, Michaels too busy focused on his career, Balthazar could be…well he could be doing anything. He checked in once, four months ago, was bought up to date on their mother, and hasn’t bothered to call again.

Sometimes Cas envied his ability not to give a damn about his family.

Gadreel wasn’t married either and Cas was a long way from getting engaged to anyone.

‘No, because I met my soulmate before he did.’ Cas looks at Dean, but Dean is staring straight ahead, into the darkening night sky.

‘Yeah? Who’s that?’ A stream of names runs through Cas’s head and he wonders which one Dean is going to say. It might not be any of them – there’s gotta be a few he doesn’t know about, in those years when they didn’t speak. Dean doesn’t speak for a moment, and when he does, he leaves a small pause before each of his words, like he’s choosing them carefully.

‘The thing is Cas, this could really ruin things. If everyone’s wrong, and seeing things that aren’t there.’

‘When you say everyone...’ Cas asks. He’s still staring at Dean, who’s still staring straight ahead.

‘Sammy. My mother. Gabe. Your mother. Quite a few of my ex-girlfriends who broke up with me because of it. Nick – you remember him?’ Cas nods – of course, he remembers Nick. ‘Several of the regular customers.’

‘What do they think they’re seeing?’ Cas asks.

A pause.

‘That you’re in love with me too.’

‘Too?’

‘Yeah, Cas. Too. Since I was nine.’

‘The first time I met you, I think. But I didn’t realise it until I was fifteen.’

‘Ah, see I knew when I was nine. I used to draw pictures of us getting married.’ Cas is grinning so hard he thinks his face might split in half.

‘Sorry it took me so long to catch up,’ Cas says.

‘As long as you’re here now,’ Dean says. ‘You are here now, right?’

‘Since I was fifteen,’ Cas says.

Dean takes a step towards Cas, and they meet in the middle, kissing like they’ve waited years for this moment.

There’s a loud cheering from inside, and when Cas pulls his face away from Dean to look through the glass window it’s to see everyone looking out at them. They’re all cheering and clapping. Mary and Becky look like they’re crying.

Sam and Gabe seem to be exchanging money, and Cas makes a mental note to ask them about that later.

‘Is that why you kept the table?’ Cas asks. The table that’s stayed at the back of _The Coffee Shop_ through all these years.

‘Yeah, man. You think I was ever going to throw a part of our history out?’

‘What would you say if I said I’d like to work here full time? Help you run things? I don’t want to step on your toes or anything, and I know it’s still in the family, but _The Coffee Shop_ is my home. I don’t want to leave it.’ Or you, Cas adds silently.

‘I’d ask if you could start tomorrow.’


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean's POV.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know 30 days tropes are supposed to be one shots but the ideas from Dean's POV just wouldn't leave me alone. I hope you like it.

**10 years old**

Dean is sitting at a table in _The Coffee Shop_ drawing, his tongue sticking out the side of his mouth. It’s the table right at the back, the one his best friend Cas always sits at. But Cas isn’t here today, and Dean is. Dean didn’t like the idea of anyone sitting at Cas’s table, so he marched right up to it as soon as him and his family entered. His mother, Mary, is at the counter, placing their order, Dean’s younger brother Sam with her.

Dean looks at his picture. He’s drawn the same thing a few times now, but every time the picture is finished something looks wrong. Cas’s eyes are never the right colour. Their hands looked funny. Dean accidently spilt some juice on one, and made Cas’s face all blotchy.

He likes this one though. It’s him and Cas on their wedding day. Cas is wearing a blue suit that matches his eyes – Dean still can’t get the colour of Cas’s eyes exactly right but has discovered if he layers a couple of his blue pencils over each other it’s not too bad -, and Dean is wearing a black one. They’re getting married outside, because Dean is better at drawing trees and flowers than he is at drawing buildings. There are figures in the background – Sam, Mary (not Dean’s Dad, though. Dean doesn’t like thinking about his Dad. He won’t be at his future wedding), and Cas’s whole family. Dean’s had to draw them as stick figures because otherwise he wouldn’t have been able to fit them all in. There’s Cas’s mother Becky, with blonde hair in a triangle. Dean’s added some tears on her face and a big smile. She’s usually behind the counter at _The Coffee Shop_ but she’s not there today either. Cas mentioned that his mother was dragging him on one of her trips to hunt down the newest photo for her idol wall. He hadn’t sounded happy about it.

Next to Becky is Chuck, with lots of curly brown hair, and Cas’s five brothers. It’s the best drawing Dean’s ever done, and he puts his pens away neatly.

‘Have you finished drawing? Can I see?’ Mary asks. She settles down at the table, Sam climbing up on the chair next to her. Dean looks around before he shows them his drawing. He doesn’t want anyone else to see. He doesn’t think Cas would mind if he found out that Dean was drawing pictures of them getting married, but he knows Cas’s elder brother Gabe would tease him, and he doesn’t want that.

Dean doesn’t really understand what love and marriage means but he knows that you should marry the person you like spending time with. That his mother is always saying you should marry your best friend, and not someone you once hated. ‘Dean, honey that’s a really nice picture. Maybe we can stick it to the fridge when we get home.’ She takes a sip of her coffee, helping Sam open his sandwich and sliding a piece of pie across the table to Dean. Dean loves pie. Always has done, always will.

But he gets a kind of fluttery feeling in his tummy when he thinks about pie from _The Coffee Shop_ and the first time he tasted it.

The first time he met Cas.

‘No. I think I’m just going to keep this one safe,’ Dean says. Carefully, he folds the picture in half, and slips it into his pocket. He’s not sure why, but he knows this picture is important.

‘You make a really cute groom Dean. As does Cas. You like him, huh?’ Mary says. Dean blushes a little, but he nods. Mary and Sam already know that Dean likes Cas. Only because sometimes Cas will do something really funny, or interesting and Dean has to go and tell them about it. ‘Don’t look so worried. Cas likes you too,’ Mary says. Dean thinks maybe his mother is right, but they’re ten. He doesn’t really know what liking each other means beyond hanging out with each other, and waiting to grow up.

Dean looks around _The Coffee Shop._ He usually loves this place. It’s cosy and warm even when the weather is bad, and the hissing of the machines has become background noise to him by now. But something feels off today. Ishim is working behind the counter. Dean doesn’t like him. He pulls faces behind the Shurley’s backs and glares at Dean whenever him and Cas walk past on their way to Cas’s room upstairs.

The door to _The Coffee Shop_ opens and Meg Masters comes walking in. Dean slouches on his chair and scowls down at his pie.

Dean hates Meg Masters. And yes, he knows hate isn’t a very nice word to use, but he does. She was Cas’s friend before he moved here, and she still likes to lord it over Dean. Pretend that she knows Cas best. What Cas wants to do, what he wants to play.

She doesn’t. Cas has told Dean that him and Meg only used to hang out sometimes, and that Meg had other friends she could play with.

Cas had said that him and Meg had kissed once. Dean didn’t like how that made him feel, and therefore he doesn’t like Meg.

‘Boys, listen. I’ve been thinking. You remember Kate? And her baby Adam?’ Dean instantly tenses at his mother’s words. He thought this day couldn’t get much worse. ‘Me and Kate think maybe you three should meet.’

‘No,’ Dean says. He picks up a forkful of pie and stuffs it in his mouth. He doesn’t want to meet Adam, his stupid half-brother. They can’t make him.

‘Dean, I know this is difficult, and I don’t like it either. But we have to accept what happened, and make the best of it. Aren’t you glad we came here? You never would have met Cas otherwise.’ Mary is using her pleading voice, the one she used when they first moved here and Dean refused to eat anything. He hadn’t wanted to help her. He hadn’t understood what had happened then, just thought Mary had moved them out of his home for no good reason.

Now he understands. He understands that his Dad hurt his mother, on the inside, and that they can’t be together anymore. He understands that Mary doesn’t want to look at his Dad, and that his Dad has had another baby with someone else.

Dean doesn’t want anything to do with them.

‘No,’ Dean says again, but it’s muffled around the pie in his mouth. He touches the picture of him and Cas on their imagined wedding day in his pocket. Yes, he’s glad he met Cas. But that’s not enough of a reason for him to want to meet Adam.

_What kind of a stupid name is Adam anyway_ , Dean thinks.

‘Sam? Don’t you want to meet your baby brother?’ Mary asks.

‘Half-brother,’ Sam says. Then he looks at Dean. Dean refuses to meet his eye. He loves Sam with all his heart, but he can’t tell his brother what to do. If Sam wants to meet Adam – well it’s going to feel like a hole in Dean’s chest, but if Sam wants it, Sam can have it.

‘No. I don’t want to meet Adam either.’ Mary sighs, but then takes another sip of her coffee.

‘Okay. Well, I guess we’ll leave it alone. For now.’

Dean knows what that means. That she’ll keep mentioning it until she gets her own way.

After he’s finished the pie, Dean slinks from his chair, to put the plate back on the counter. As he turns to go back to his seat, there’s a slight commotion at the door. Becky Shurley comes through it, rain soaked umbrella making puddles on the tiles as she rushes into the building. Behind her comes the disgruntled figure of Dean’s best friend, Castiel Shurley.

Cas looks up and locks eyes with Dean.

Dean feels that electric shock feeling that he gets whenever him and Cas make eye contact.

 

**14 Years Old**

‘How was it?’ Cas asks as Dean sits in the chair next to him. Dean can’t help the grin on his face.

‘It was awesome. Cassie is awesome. She’s so smart, and tough. Like these guys were saying things to her, and I thought I was going to have to protect her honour or something, but she just took them down.’ Dean shakes his head at the memory and misses Cas looking away, frowning. When he looks back, Cas has a smile on his face and is asking more questions about Dean’s first ever date.

Dean tells him everything he can. It’s a little weird. Dean always sort of thought that his first date would be with Cas – okay, he didn’t just think it, he planned the whole thing out. They were going to go to the beach and have a picnic with peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Then they’d go to an aquarium and Dean would watch Cas watch the fish, before finishing off with a quick look in at the local car dealership. There was a beauty of a car there, a 1976 Impala, which Dean had fallen in love with. He liked to pop in on her every now and again, to make sure no one had bought her yet. He only needed another couple of years for his license, and Becky had already promised him some shifts at _The Coffee Shop_ to help him save.

But then Cassie Robinson had asked him out on a date. She was cute, and funny and Dean liked her. Cas didn’t seem to like anyone – or at least he hadn’t told Dean if he did. And Dean knew all about people who went through life never being romantically or sexually involved with anyone. He was completely okay if that was what Cas wanted.

But Dean did want those things. He wanted girlfriends – and boyfriends. He wanted to kiss them and hold their hand, and take them out to dinner.

In an ideal world, he wanted to kiss Cas and hold Cas’s hand, and take Cas out to dinner. But Cas was his best friend and he didn’t want to ruin what they had by pushing for anything more.

‘Did you kiss her?’ Cas asks. Dean’s mind blanks for a second. He did kiss Cassie. He knows, technically, that Cas has already had a first kiss. Meg Masters, when they were eight. But Dean doesn’t think that really counts.

‘Yeah, dude. It was awesome,’ Dean says. Cas nods, seriously like he’s considering the possibility of kisses being awesome.

‘Are you going to go out with her again?’ Cas asks. Dean nods. He’d already asked Cassie out for this Saturday.

‘Yeah. Next time we’re going to go see something at the cinema. Probably a chick-flick, but I figure, she’s happy, I’m happy, right?’

‘Right,’ Cas says. He taps the table in front of him a few times.

‘Don’t worry man. You’re still my best friend,’ Dean says suddenly. It occurs to him that just because Cas doesn’t have romantic feelings towards Dean, he’s still the only friend he’s got. It would be stupid of Dean to push Cas away, just because he feels slightly weird about discussing Cassie, with Cas.

‘I know that Dean,’ Cas says, but he’s smiling a little now. ‘Cassie seems really nice.’

‘She is,’ Dean agrees. He taps his own fingers on the table. He’s jittery and nervous and Cas is doing this really distracting thing where he’s biting his bottom lip. Dean shouldn’t be thinking about Cas and his lip when he’s dating Cassie.

Dean swallows, and the thought that someone will get hurt appears. But not if Dean is careful. Because Dean is the only one here who might end up facing two different directions. Dean is the only one who faces getting his heart broken.

‘I’m going to get another drink,’ Cas says, standing. ‘Do you want anything?’ Dean shakes his head. He’s just eaten with Cassie at the burger joint they went to.

As soon as Cas is gone, another Shurley slides into his seat. Gabe, Cas’s older brother is looking at Dean.

‘Dean-O. Word around school is you’ve been hanging out with Cassie Robinson,’ Gabe says.

‘What’s it to you?’ Dean asks. Gabe’s a couple of years older than him and Cas – why does he care who Dean hangs out with.

‘Me? Personally, I don’t care. You do what you want. To Cas however? I have a feeling this may affect him more than he lets on.’ Both of them are watching Cas now as he places his order at the counter. He’s had a recent growth spurt, and still isn’t used to the extra inches. He seems uncomfortable in his body, constantly twitching or pulling at his clothes to make sure they cover him.

‘If Cas had a problem with Cassie, he’d tell me,’ Dean says. ‘Cas tells me everything.’

‘Cas can’t tell you something he hasn’t realised himself,’ Gabe says. Dean doesn’t understand. This is probably just one of Gabe’s stupid jokes, like when he gave Cas coffee for a week, telling him it was alright to drink because it was decaf. Cas was so wired, he barley slept.

Becky got really mad when she found out. ‘But give it time.’

‘Give what time?’ Dean asks. He doesn’t really like Gabe all that much, and he hates things he doesn’t understand.

‘You’ll see.’ Gabe smirks at him and walks off, leaving _The Coffee Shop._

‘What was that about?’ Cas asks when he comes back. Dean just shakes his head. He isn’t sure.

But he smiles at Cas, and notices how Cas seems a little bit pinker around the cheeks when he smiles back, and thinks maybe he does understand. Just a little.

 

**17 Years Old**

Dean’s foot is tapping on the floor under the table. He keeps trying to stop it, but then he looks at Cas and the guy he’s chatting to, and it does it again. Just like his fingers flexing on his cup of coffee.

Dean has a girlfriend. It isn’t fair that he’s more jealous of Cas speaking to another guy, than he is of his girlfriend flirting with someone else. And Cas isn’t even flirting. He’s just trying to serve the guy.

Dean noticed how good looking the guy was when he entered _The Coffee Shop._ In the way that Dean looked at him, then down at his notebook because he’s still not out. Well, not out to friends anyway. The wedding pictures he used to draw featuring him and Cas pretty much sailed that ship as far as his mother and brother are concerned.

And speaking of his brother…

‘How’s the studying going?’ Sam asks. The blank pages stare up at them from the table. Cas and Dean are supposed to be studying for their upcoming exams, but Cas had to pick up the slack at _The Coffee Shop_ since their latest worker called in sick.

So Dean’s sitting there, pretending to study, but stealing glances at Cas and the customer. Who is now touching Cas’s hand. ‘You’ve got far,’ Sam says. Dean throws his pencil on the table.

‘Yeah. Well there’s no point starting until Cas gets here anyway. I don’t understand this.’ Dean gestures at the page of text in front of him. There are some things he doesn’t understand, it’s true. But he could probably struggle through it, and to be honest, he’s not entirely sure that Cas understands it any better than he does.

‘Sure, that’s the reason. It’s not that you’ve been staring at Cas for the past half an hour then,’ Sam says. Dean gives him a look. ‘I’m just saying.’ Sometimes Dean wishes he’d been a little more guarded with his feelings when he was young. Or at least better at hiding them. ‘For what it’s worth, he hasn’t stopped looking at you either. Can’t you guys just get your shit together and tell each other how you feel?’

‘I have a girlfriend,’ Dean says. There’s more issues than that, but Dean doesn’t feel like going into them with his baby brother. ‘And don’t swear, you’re 13.’

‘You swear all the time,’ Sam protests.

‘I’m almost an adult,’ Dean says. ‘And if mom hears you talking like that, you’ll be in trouble.’ Sam rolls his eyes.

‘Mom swears more than you do.’ Dean has to agree with that. Their mother is a big fan of swearing. ‘So, are you going to tell Cas how you feel?’ Sam says. The slight change of topic has Dean almost breaking his pencil in half.

‘Sam,’ Dean says, the warning in his voice. He can’t have this conversation. Not now, not here. Not where people could hear them and anything could get back to Cas. _The Coffee Shop_ walls have ears – the locals who hear everything and pass it around. Dean knows that better than anyone – it’s how he found out his fourth girlfriend was planning on dumping him. ‘Not here.’ Sam glances slowly, at the empty tables surrounding them. It’s a glorious day, and most people don’t want to spend it in the always warm building.

Dean wishes more customers were around. That guy is still talking to Cas. And Cas is smiling.

Cas has only been out two months, and he’s already got good looking guys flirting with him.

‘You never want to talk about this,’ Sam says. ‘Don’t you think it’s about time to man up and tell him?’ Dean shakes his head.

‘I have a girlfriend,’ Dean says again.

‘Yeah, well, if you don’t do something soon, Cas is going to be dating too.’ Sam nods at the counter, where the guy now appears to be writing something down on an empty coffee cup.

Dean swallows. Watching Cas date…that’s going to hurt.

And it can’t. It’s not fair to anyone.

‘Good. Maybe we can double date,’ Dean says. He pulls the textbook closer to him, staring at it. He has to stop this thing with Cas. He’s only going to end up hurt. Sam leans forward, arms on the table in front of him.

‘I don’t understand. You’re always telling me not to be scared. What’s stopping you?’ Dean’s had enough.

‘Sammy, me and Cas are best friends. And that’s it. Maybe I had feelings for him when I was nine, but in case it’s escaped your notice, I’m straight. And with someone.’ Sam sits, staring at him. ‘And anyway, if Cas had feelings for me, don’t you think I’d know?’ Sam shakes his head, then stands up.

‘Keep fooling yourself Dean, but if you can’t see what’s staring at you – usually Cas, by the way – then nothing I say is going to make any difference.’ Sam leaves, walking out the door, even though Dean’s pretty sure he’s supposed to be babysitting him this afternoon while his mom and Becky have gone shopping in town.  

Dean swallows again.

And then he puts Sam’s words to the back of his mind where sentence fragments from his mom and Gabe have been sitting for years.

 

**19 Years Old**

‘Hey stranger! Long-time no see. How are you?’ Dean internally winces at Becky’s tone. He knows she genuinely means it – is actually excited to see him. It just makes him feel worse.

Dean hasn’t been back to _The Coffee Shop_ since the night of his and Cas’s prom, almost a year ago now. Every time he’s thought about coming in here, trying to make things right, a hot ball of shame wedges itself in his stomach and he just keeps walking, past the building, past something that meant so much to him while growing up.

Because he wrecked that. He was the one with the stupid party idea, and he was the one who wanted to do something reckless.

‘I’m good Becky. How are you?’ Becky shrugs.

‘Oh, things are muddling along as usual, you know.’ She gives another smile, but Dean notices the strain around it. She seems tenser than he remembers her too. ‘Everyone’s flown the nest now so it’s just me here alone.’ Her eyes sweep up to the empty square on the wall of photos that cover the back of _The Coffee Shop._ There used to be a photo of her husband Chuck up there, but it was removed a few years after he upped and left. Cas never really talked about it. Just told Dean in his monotone voice, and avoided it every time it came up afterwards.

‘How is everyone?’ Dean asks. His heartbeat picks up and he forces his hands to stay still.

Dean hasn’t spoken to Cas since the party. Their last fight replays itself over and over in his head, but every time Dean thinks about calling him he remembers that Cas is miles away, living his new life in a new city.

That he didn’t say goodbye to Dean.

‘Luke’s good, Michael’s just been let go from his job, poor thing, Gabriel’s just gotten engaged – to Kali, did you ever meet her? No, well she’s this beautiful woman, and smart too, really I don’t know she sees in Gabe – I’m kidding of course, Balthazar and Gadreel are travelling together somewhere in Europe and Cas is happy.’

‘Yeah?’ Dean says. It’s all he can get out. There’s words building up, and he needs to say them.

‘Yeah. I spoke to him last night, and he’s just really happy.’ She’s smiling at him, but it’s all sad and pitying and Dean doesn’t deserve that.

‘Becky, I need to apologize to you. The whole after prom party thing. It was stupid and I didn’t think it through. I’m sorry.’

‘Dean, it’s alright. I understand.’ She touches his hand on the counter, briefly and locks eyes with him. Maybe she does get it. Mary probably spoke to her and told her all about how Dean was handling his Dad being in hospital. He’d been in a serious car crash and for a while it didn’t look like he was going to make it. Dean hadn’t spoken to his Dad in years, but the idea that he could be gone forever, and Dean would never speak to him again, ripped him apart. He couldn’t do anything.

On top of that, all his friends were moving away, off to college with bright exciting futures ahead of them, and Dean still had no idea what he was going to be doing. He’d always maintained that he wasn’t going to go to college that he would stay here, look after his mother and Sam. Not that they needed it. But the idea of leaving them, of going somewhere where he didn’t know anyone, terrified Dean.

Dean was staying and Cas was leaving. Cas was leaving Dean. And Cas wasn’t asexual or aromatic. He was bisexual, it had just taken him a couple more years to figure it out. Cas was kissing boys and girls and going to Pride Marches and Dean was still just dating girls. He’d liked guys in the past, sure, but no one compared to Cas. And Dean didn’t think he could handle dating a guy who wasn’t Cas.   

‘I shouldn’t have done it.’

‘Well that’s true, but you’re young Dean. And human. Everyone makes bad choices but at least you feel bad about it. That makes you a good person.’ Dean has to look away. Her acceptance of his guilt hasn’t made him feel less guilty. He could have ruined her life. ‘Any way what are you up to now days? Still with that nice girl, Lisa, wasn’t it? She was lovely.’ Becky asks. Dean hates this question more than any other. What is he up to now days? Nothing. Waiting tables at a beach front restaurant, spending the nights driving his Baby – the 1976 Impala he finally owned – as far as he could before turning her around and coming back to his home. He doesn’t regret staying, this town means more to him than the town he spent his first years in with his mother and father, but he does regret not trying to do more. He always felt like maybe something perfect was waiting to slot into his life, and that trying to chase anything down would put him further away from the life he was always supposed to live.

He’s still waiting.

‘Nah, me and Lisa broke up a few weeks after prom. She didn’t want to be tied down when she went off to university.’

‘That’s a shame. Cas always said how perfect the two of you were together.’ There’s a jolt in Dean’s stomach. Cas never mentioned to him that he thought him and Lisa were perfect. Dean’s about to ask for more details of Cas’s life – he thinks he can get away with it. He’d ask about anyone else he went to High School with, why wouldn’t he ask about his best friend (ex best-friend? Dean’s not really sure that fits either, even though they haven’t talked. But it still kind of feels like they’re in the middle of a fight, not at the end of one), when Becky sighs. ‘You know it’s strange. I always thought – okay, well hoped anyway – that you and Cas would end up together.’ Dean’s heart stops. Becky’s not looking at him, waiting for his reaction. She’s idly playing around with the sugar packet containers at the front of the counter.

‘Well you know for that to happen, Cas kinda had to like me,’ Dean says. He doesn’t say the word ‘back’. He gets the feeling Becky knows.

Becky laughs. ‘Oh Dean. Cas loved you. I suspected it when he was nine, knew it when he was fifteen.’ This time Becky shakes her head. ‘It’s such a shame.’ Dean wants to let her words settle on him, but one of the words is lodged in his head.

‘Loved? Like he doesn’t anymore?’ Dean asks. Becky pauses, a handful of pink packets in her hands.

‘No, no I think he still does. But you know he’s several cities away, and…’ Her eyes flick up towards Dean.

‘And he’s happy?’ Dean says. ‘With someone else.’ That’s not a question. Becky nods, that pitying smile back on her face.

‘He’s been in a relationship with a guy for a couple of months now, and I think he’s in love. He wants me to meet him when I go up there in a few weeks.’

‘Right,’ Dean says. He can’t be mad. He can’t be mad, or angry, or upset. He’s the one who never told Cas how he feels. He’s the one who pushed for something which he knew Cas didn’t agree with, putting this silence between them.

He’s the one who spent years dating woman, and talking about them to Cas.

And even though he’s had a few girlfriends break up with because they thought him and Cas were too close, and he’s never forgotten what Gabe told him just after his date with Cassie, or what Sam said a few years ago, he never really believed that Cas had feelings for him. Wouldn’t he have said something?

Now there’s nothing he can do. If there ever was a time for him and Cas to be him and Cas, it’s gone. Swept away by Dean’s inability to tell people what he’s really feeling, and that stupid party. And it’s too late.

‘I’m sorry Dean,’ Becky says, and now Dean’s blinking back tears. Why is he crying, this is stupid.

Because he always sort of thought that him and Cas would eventually become him and Cas. Like some stupid chick flick movie where the best friend and the main character get together. Dean secretly loved those movies. They gave him hope. ‘Look, this might not be the best time to ask, but your mother tells me you’re waiting tables? Part time? How would you feel about some shifts here? I remember you used to do them all the time when you were younger, and you were great. You know how all the machines work – well, except this beauty here, but you’ll get the hang of her in no time,’ Becky says slapping the shiny silver machine behind her.

‘Are you offering me a job because you feel sorry for me?’ Dean asks, but he doesn’t really care. He loved working here, the hustle and bustle of all those customers, the locals who smiled when he remembered their usual.

‘Kind of,’ Becky says and that makes Dean smile. Becky’s always been a little blunt. ‘But also because I do need someone. Like I said, I’m going to visit Cas in a couple of weeks, and at the moment I’ve only got part time workers. If you liked it, we could offer an increase of hours, and the pay isn’t bad.’ Dean remembers that. The pay from here was what helped him buy his car, and take girls out to places that weren’t dirt cheap. ‘But don’t let me pressure you into anything. Only if you want to.’

‘Of course, I want to,’ Dean says. He glances at the table in the back corner. The table that’s filled with memories, that has Cas’s initials scratched into one of the legs.

Cas is going to come back at some point. And Dean would never want to ruin Cas’s happiness, but maybe they could talk. Get their friendship back.

Cause it’s not just that Dean’s in love with Cas. Cas is his best friend, and Dean wants him back in his life.

‘I’d love to work at _The Coffee Shop.’_

**22 Years Old**

Cas is asleep, arms sprawled out on the table in front of him, dark hair flopping over his head. His mouth is slightly open, a small puddle of drool travelling from the pink lips down to the table.

Dean has never seen anything more adorable in his life. His heart is clenching in his chest as he watches his best friend sleep, exhausted from all he’s had to take on this past year.

Cas has come back to town to help his mom with her mental health issues. He’s the only one of his brothers who’s given up everything for her. To be here with her, to get her through this.

It hasn’t been easy for Dean. He thought he wanted nothing more than Cas back. Or at least to be on a more stable speaking term with each other.

But now Cas _is_ back and Dean’s having trouble concentrating on the rest of his life. He should be the happiest he’s ever been – running _The Coffee Shop_ full time, moving into the house upstairs, his best friend back in his life.

Finally coming out and dating guys.

But Cas is back. Cas is back and single, and not thinking about anything else than his mother. And Cas is spending his days making appointments for her, and talking to people about changing his life, and his nights flopping against Dean and letting all the tension out of his body.

Dean will be spending his first night in the house upstairs, the house that Cas grew up. He’ll be in the master bedroom of course, but he knows that Cas’s childhood room is just down the hall, still painted that dark green colour from where they redecorated it when they were sixteen and Becky wanted to re paint the whole house. He’ll be having his dinner in the kitchen where him and Cas would sit at the table together, making faces behind Gabe’s back and flicking peas at each other.

They’ve spent the day moving all the final pieces from the house into Becky’s new smaller apartment. It’s just a few minutes away from _The Coffee Shop_ and Dean has no doubt that Becky will still be in here, as much as she was when she was running it.

‘Hey, sleepyhead,’ Dean says. He slides into the chair beside Cas, knees knocking together under the table. The table that Dean couldn’t bear to throw out when Becky told him to redesign the whole place, to make it more up to date, and more him since it was practically his now.

He’d cried a little that day, watching the old wooden tables as they were taken away, replaced by new plastic topped ones. It had been for the best, since you had to cover them with two tablecloths each to prevent the customers getting splinters, but it felt like part of his life was going.

‘What time is it?’ Cas asks groggily, although he doesn’t lift his head. Dean chuckles.

‘Eight. Here, drink this, it will perk you up,’ Dean says, nudging a coffee cup across the table towards Cas.

Dean thinks about the date he’s supposed to be going on tonight. They’re meant to be meeting in half an hour, but he knows he’s not going to make it. He’s been cancelling more and more dates these days, although the offers never seem to stop coming.

He mostly uses them as excuses. So that he can escape from spending the evening with Cas, just them, hanging out. They don’t even talk sometimes.

But Cas will shuffle a little bit closer on the sofa as they watch who-knows-what on TV, and Dean will offer him a shoulder to cry on, and Cas will take it.

It’s not the ideal situation Dean wants to be in, but it’s what he has, so he takes it.

Cas hasn’t mentioned the guy Becky talked about him being in love with. Dean hasn’t caught him making tearful conversations to a loved one back at uni.

Cas doesn’t really talk about it much. Dean knows he’s told them he won’t be coming back, not this year anyway.

Dean will get Cas to himself for a year.

‘No coffee,’ Cas mumbles. He pushes the cup away, the dark liquid inside splashing on the table top.

Just another stain to add to it. Dean couldn’t let them take it, when they took the others. He hadn’t even thought that redesigning _The Coffee Shop_ would mean them taking this away.

He wouldn’t let it go. ‘Just sleep.’

Dean chuckles. Puts his hand on Cas’s, ignoring the way his heart is fluttering, that Garth, the assistant barrister is still wiping down tables, just a few over from them.

‘Are you going to make it home?’ Dean asks. Cas mumbles something that sounds like ‘this is my home,’ but Dean can’t be sure because Cas is now lightly snoring and he knows no way will Cas be able to walk the two roads to his mom’s new house. ‘Do you want to stay here?’ There’s no response. Dean thinks Cas would prefer sleeping on the sofa upstairs to waking up at 3am sprawled over a table. ‘Come on then.’

Dean supports Cas, who’s slightly awake now, up the stairs leading to the house, carefully lying him on the sofa.

Dean has to swallow as he watches his best friend sink into the sofa cushions, the very faint lines on his face relaxing, just for a few hours.

Dean wants to reach out and smooth his hair back from his face. But that would be crossing boundaries, and Cas doesn’t need to deal with Dean’s feelings. Not with everything else he’s got going on.

Garth is just pulling his coat on when Dean gets downstairs.

‘You two make a cute couple, you know,’ Garth says. Dean shakes his head. Garth knows there’s nothing like that between him and Cas. ‘I wish I could find something like that one day.’

‘What, a best friend?’ Dean asks. Garth is unusual, sure, but he’s sweet and always seems to have a constant stream of people to talk to.

‘No, a soulmate.’

Dean stills his hands on the counter. He doesn’t think he can do this again. Have this conversation again. ‘I know, it’s soppy, but I don’t think there’s another word to describe you two. I know you’re not lovers, or even boyfriends, but the way you guys look at each other sometimes, it’s bound to happen sooner or later.’ Garth chuckles to himself. ‘You know, Ms Mosley and Mildred were gossiping about you two today. They think a spring wedding would suit you, although Mildred says it needs to be really sunny day so yours and Cas’s eyes will pop in the photos. Well I’m off. Things to do, people to see.’ Garth leaves _The Coffee Shop,_ door banging shut behind him.

That’s Mary. And Gabe. Sam. Becky. Nick, an ex-boyfriend. Garth and two of his regular customers.

Maybe it’s not as one sided as he thought. Not if everyone else is seeing it. They couldn’t all be wrong.

Dean locks everything up, and goes upstairs to his new home. He passes the sofa, and as he does, in the moonlight lit room, he swears he feels an electric shock as blue eyes open to look at him, just for a moment, before closing again.

 

**25 Years Old**

‘No. No way. We are not naming out first child after you,’ Dean says. Sam pulls a bitch face.

‘Give me one good reason why not,’ Sam says. He settles back on his chair, shifting around a little. He’s really too tall for these old wooden chairs that belong to the table at the back of _The Coffee Shop_ but everyone knows they’re here forever.

‘One. Because me and Cas are twenty-five and nowhere near having a child yet,’ Dean says. They’ve talked about it, and yes, they do both very much both want children one day.

But one day. Further down the line.

‘And two,’ Cas says, settling back into his chair at the table, a tray in his hands which he sets down. ‘Because Gabe has already tried to persuade us to call our first child after him. If we did one and not the other, I don’t think I could stand the sulking.’

‘Sam works for a girl and a boy. You could name a girl for me and a boy for him,’ Sam points out.

‘Gabe said we could name our first child Gabriella if it was a girl,’ Dean says. 

‘But you like me more than him!’ Sam protests. He’s only popped down to see them for the weekend, too busy with his work to come down for longer.

‘That is a good point,’ Cas says. He reaches for Dean’s hand under the table, entwining their fingers together.

Dean runs a finger over the gold band on Cas’s third finger. They’ve been married for six months. On a bright sunny spring day, just like the regulars wanted. Outdoors, under trees bursting with pink and white blossom, just like Dean always drew. Cas and him both in black suits.

Dean’s Dad was there, but not Cas’s. No one had heard from Chuck since he’d shown his face to Becky in a supermarket a few years back, bringing on her nervous breakdown.

All Cas’s brothers, and Sam and Adam in the front row, their mother’s sitting right behind them, crying through the whole thing. ‘But Gabe would never speak to me again, and as infuriating as he is, I think I would quite miss his presence in my life.’

‘Okay, but what about if I promised to name mine and Jess’s first child after you? Gabe didn’t do that,’ Sam says.

‘I think Jess would kill you,’ Dean says. He casts one eye over at the counter to see how Garth and his wife Bess are getting on. Perfectly, as usual, both of them chatting away to the customers but working as a perfect team in sync behind the counter.

According to all their regular customers, Dean and Cas have it down to an art. They’ve told him it’s almost like watching a dance, they fit around each other so well.

‘Jess would totally kill me if I went home and told her I’d promised to call our first born after you two,’ Sam says.

‘How much have you and Gabe got riding on this anyway?’ Cas asks.

‘I don’t know what you’re talking about,’ Sam says, but he’s smiling. It’s a well-known secret that Gabe and Sam bet on everything they can bear to about Dean and Cas’s relationship. Apparently, it started when they were teenagers and Gabe told Sam he’d put a twenty on them confessing their feelings for each other before they each turned nineteen.

He lost that one, but tried to make his money back by betting thirty they’d kiss before confessing their feelings for each other.

And that Cas would be the one to tell Dean first.

Gabe doesn’t appear to be very good at guessing the stages in their relationship. According to the small notebook Dean once found hidden in one of Sam’s briefcases, Gabe was out almost one hundred dollars over the years, although he’d gained some back when he bet Cas would be the one to ask Dean to marry him. ‘But if I can persuade you to name your first born after Gabe might have to pay me $200, and isn’t that worth it?’

‘Come back to us in five years, and we’ll see,’ Dean says, hand gripping Cas’s. They’ve only got a few more minutes to spend here, at this table at the back, before they have to take over from Garth and Beth, and Sam goes to spend the day with Mary.

‘Five? I was thinking more like three,’ Cas says. He’s grinning at Dean, and Dean grins back.

Three years it is. ‘At least for the first one.’

Dean notices Sam’s eyes light up, and he just knows his brother will be making another bet with Gabe this afternoon.

‘It’s been wonderful to see you Sam, but I need to go and check on a few things before shift change. I’ll see you for dinner tomorrow,’ Cas says. He stands up, patting Sam on the shoulder.

There’s a big family dinner planned for tomorrow evening. It’ll be right here, in _The Coffee Shop_ tables all pushed together to fit everyone, food carried in the from kitchen. Dean’s cooking. Burgers and apple pie for dessert.

They’re going to be meeting Becky’s new boyfriend for the first time, and Dean knows Cas is looking forward to it. Becky’s been happier than she’s been for years recently and it’s mostly down to this new guy.

‘Working and living together? Doesn’t that ever get too much?’ Sam asks. He shakes his head. ‘I don’t know if me and Jess could do it, and I love that girl with everything I have.’

Dean shakes his head, grinning at his brother. Yes, sometimes him and Cas get caught up in petty fights and act like immature seven year olds behind the counter, hiding things the other needs, or swapping the packets around to annoy the other (Dean likes the sweeteners in front, the sugar at the back. Cas doesn’t.)

‘This is the thing that brought us together. I think not working here would be worse for us.’ Sam and Dean stand, saying their goodbyes to each other in a hug. Dean watches his brother walk out the door, then turns to head to the counter.

As he passes the wall, which once housed Becky’s photos of the people she’d been obsessed with, he pauses, just for a second to look at the photos up there now.

In the middle is him and Cas on their wedding day, a pile of confetti fluttering over them. Their regular customer Mildred was right – the sun did make their eyes pop.

Around that are photos of everyone else who comes here – there’s photos of Becky and Mary looking slightly tispy, champagne glasses in hands, deely-boppers on their heads as they celebrate a New Year. Sam and Jess cuddled up together at a table, the window showing snow flurrying past. Gabe and Kali and their little one grasping an empty card coffee cup in his hand.

There are photos of the regulars enjoying their usual, and photos of Cas being hugged to his mom’s chest. Photos of all the Winchesters – including their Dad and Adam – littered around on the wall.

And right above their wedding photo, is a framed and laminated piece of paper. It’s a little bit worse for wear after all these years, tears in the edges of the paper, yellowing a little in places, because they only laminated it a few years ago.

A slightly worn out drawing of Dean and Cas getting married outside, with their families as stick figures.

Dean smiles at the drawing, glad he kept it. Cas had almost cried when he’d first seen it, pulling it from one of Dean’s drawers after they first spent the night together.

‘Dean? Are you ready?’ Cas calls from behind the counter.

Dean walks towards his husband, pulling his apron from where it’s hanging on a hook by the kitchen door, and getting ready to work his next shift at _The Coffee Shop._


End file.
